Messages From Carrie
Christmas 1982
December 16th, 2008
For nine months and two weeks she rested in the deep Barclay lounger chair of my body, humming contently, hearing every song I knew, connected to me by every heartbeat and breath. Now, she was one month old and dressed in red and white pajamas, curled like a comma and sleeping in a laundry basket I’d arranged with a pillow and flannel blanket. In the soft glow of my parent’s Christmas tree light, she smiled, for she was still close enough to the veil between the worlds to dream of mystery. Time stopped for a moment as I watched her sleeping. If I should live to be a very old woman, I will tenderly hold the image of my smiling baby, sleeping in homely laundry basket. In the blink of an eye she would out grow the red and white pajamas, and I would stop measuring her size by much space her small head took up when cradled in the crook of my arm. In a twinkling she would become a full- fledged version of herself. But, my soul had captured the moment, realized my own life while living it, watching my infant daughter dream of mysteries.
Some say momentous events make us most aware of time and our true placement in the center of now. It is true that it often takes a crisis to haul us out of our perpetual motion, and our mind’s preoccupation with “what was then” and “what will be”, “who said this” and “all I should’ve done”. But, the moments I remember most poignantly tend to be small and quiet. The more I lean into the small tasks and regular motions of my day, the happier I become. I do need to practice being present in my life. My writer’s mind is active, filled with enough stories and characters to keep me amused and occupied, and capable of living inside my own head for long periods of time. But more I practice seeing, the more I see. The more I love the small moment, the more I am aware of the sacredness of it all. I would eventually give away the basket and red and white pajamas. But I would keep the memory of being fully alive with my baby girl in the glow of those soft Christmas lights.
May we all catch a moment this holiday season.
May we all take notice and savor.
May we look, but more importantly
May we see.
Peace and Blessings
Carrie